Who knew?

Turns out you have to clean those shiny metal boxes out more often than, say, never. That and a pound of ozone-depleting Freon and I'm living large. I actually had to turn the ceiling fan off in the middle of the night. Heaven.

Lord of the idiots

Here's a tip for all my peeps - if it feels really warm in your house, you might want to look outside and see if that fan dealie in the big metal box is spinning around. If not, your A/C is broke, broke.

Luckily I had a place to crash this weekend or I'd be a puddle in the middle of my living room. I've got someone coming out this afternoon to tell me how poor I'm going to be very soon. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be something reasonably cheap. Maybe.

Shocking new findings!

• No matter how many fans you have on, it is very challenging to sleep in a house that is somewhere around 81 degrees. I was about to sleep in my back yard last night. [Note to self - pick up tent this weekend]

• If anybody gets two packs of Pop Tarts in the break room that Apple Strudel one hanging dangerously close to the edge is totally mine.

• I'm pondering a trip to the KY State Fair with the girls this weekend. But I gotta say, the Kentucky Fair can not hold a candle to the Iowa State Fair. How do you have a State Fair without a Butter Cow?

• If Charmed goes on one more set of antibiotics I'm gonna lose it. Sure, it's her health and everything, but what about my needs?

• I wish I was better at letting myself be happy. Why do I have to think so much? What's thinking ever done for anyone?

• Who invented the bullet point? That was a really good idea.

• I need to go out more.
  

John Cock-tose-ton

Clever

Gotta be a record

Worked the Bats game last night, and Chris Richard, of your Durham Bulls, hit three (3) ground rule doubles in one game! No way that's ever happened before, right? We were sure in his last 2 at bats he was swinging for the warning track and not the fences, but no such luck.

What's even stranger is that each of them happened in a different manner. In the first inning he hit your typical, vanilla GR2B. Hard fly to left center, one bounce, and over the fence. In the third he slices a fly ball down the left field line, the Bats left fielder hustles and makes a good effort at a sliding catch, but can't quite get there. The ball bounces (either off the field or the player or both) and bounces over the wall along the left field line in foul territory. But wait there's more. In the fifth he hits a screamer into deep right center. A fan reaches out with his glove, leans slightly over the fence, and plucks it. GR2B on fan interference.

I looked for a couple of minutes and couldn't find any GR2B records - I don't think MLB counts them differently than a normal double. But 3 in one game? Crazy.

Dunnski's Sunday Journey

I was in Chicago this weekend to catch the Cubs with my boys. Left Sunday's game a bit early to head back home. Here's what happened:

Good news: I get to Chinatown and pick up some sweet-ass Cubs hats, 4 for 10 bucks. Great souvenirs for the kiddies.
Bad news: It's still really hot and the walk back to the hotel almost kills me.

Good news: I get to the airport about 2 hours before my flight (via affordable public transportation) - plenty of time to grab a bite and catch my plane.
Bad news: I learn from the monitor inside the terminal that my 8:50 flight is leaving at 9:50. I say bad words.

Good news: There's an earlier flight that has not yet left Midway.
Bad news: It is presently boarding.

Good news: I've got 15 minutes to get to the gate, and Midway is not that big.
Bad news: I check with the closest agent first (before making that trek) and she says the plane is full. But I should check anyway. Pointless, I say to myself.

Good news: When I get to the gate the plane is still there and people are still in line to board.
Bad news: I see 4 names on the stand-by sheet at the desk.

Good news: The Smith party of 3 does not answer their page! I'm in!
Bad news: I'm the last one on the plane, assuring me a crappy seat.

Good news: The last seat is in an exit row!
Bad news: Between two really large women who weren't planning on any company.

Good news: We leave a few minutes late, but still hours ahead of my original (and delayed) flight.
Bad news: My vacation is over.

The word

Proof that any song can be made better with sequins and a horn section:

Items of Mild Interest

1. You will likely be disappointed when you see the "Laker Girls" perform anywhere other than an NBA game.

2. There is something called a "Lunchable" in my refrigerator. This may be a sign of the apocalypse.

3. When the highlight of your work day is waiting for the construction crew across the street to blow stuff up at 4:00 every day, it may be time to work on your resume.

4. Low-fat Pop Tarts are just as satisfying as the real thing.

5. When you're taking someone on their first flight, ask her to remove her rings before she holds your hand.

6. I have been drunk and hungry enough to eat at White Castle, and to eat at Skyline, but never in the same night. A friend of mine did this Saturday night; I am both impressed and mortified. At least he dropped me off before the Skyline visit.

7. I haven't been able to watch an entire NBA game in years, but can't stop reading about Thursday's draft.

8. I pay way too much for cable TV.

9. It has been far too long since I have seen Twinkie sing karaoke.

10. I don't think it's fair that one of the alcoholism questions is "Do you drink alone?" I live alone; I drink. The last time I invited a stranger in for a Scotch I woke up handcuffed to my dresser and wearing mascara. Is that better, Dr. Smarty Pants??

11. Parts of that last story aren't true. I don't drink Scotch.

12. Sometimes nothing hits the spot like a thing of sushi.

13. It is nice to be wanted.

It's Friday