Not my best look

Trust me, if you wake up in the morning and you see this in the mirror...

Photo removed by user request. Wuss.

...you may want to seek medical attention. Or maybe an exorcist. Either way.

On the positive side, it does make people respect your personal space.

What a bargain!

I'll start passing the hat...

I am worth $2,980,498 on HumanForSale.com
How much are you worth?

How you feelin'?

Lots of people around me seem to be having health issues, from mildly inconvenient to possibly life-changing. I'd like to blame it all on global warming, or Republicans, or Pauly Shore, but I think it's just coincidence. Me? I feel pretty good - a little congested but nothing some spicy food won't take care of.

So what's the story? Why is everyone falling apart?