Monday, February 26, 2007

What's New?

Ever had a song stuck in your head even though you can't remember the last time you heard it?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

365

For 12 months
Sometimes more
Sometimes less
They are there

Providing reminders
Of things both pleasant
-Aunt Sophie's birthday!
And unfortunate
-Root canal.

The wall calendar also
Fills our day
If just for a moment
With an image of something
That makes us smile

The calendars
With pictures of
Atrocities
And Pestilence
Are not big sellers

Instead we choose puppies
Or classic paintings
Or sports heroes

But mostly we choose those
With pictures of places
Places we have been
Places we dream of going
Places that are different
Than what we know

And so day after day
We go to our kitchens
And look on the wall
To see not only our lives
And our routines
But also to dream
If only for an instant

Now we are the sports hero
And we are the artist
And we imagine a life
So different than our own

The very instrument
We use to manage our life
Is also the one
We use to escape it

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Hungry?

You will be after visiting this link. Bloggers from around the world were asked to name five things a person should eat before they die. Seems to me I could come up with 50 a lot easier than five, but here's my stab at it this cold, drizzly morning. Feel free to play along!

1. A real Iowa pork chop
2. Eggs Benedict
3. New York Cheesecake
4. Anything on a stick from a Hong Kong street vendor
5. Chow Fun, served in a paper cone

I'm sure if I did this list again tomorrow I would have 5 new choices. Is it lunch time yet?

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Spuds

Where do you go when you have everything you ever wanted? When the world is your solid gold doggie dish filled with never-ending Snausages? There's only one way to go...down. It's inevitable. Today you're the dee oh double g, tomorrow you're a full-grown dog in a pet store full of puppies. It takes a special breed to get through times like these. A very good boy. A dog like Spuds MacKenzie. This is his story.

Any school boy could tell you about Spuds' meteoric rise to the top. How he was discovered pissing on a soda fountain by a local talent scout. His bit parts in Elvis movies. His late nights howling at the moon with Checkers Nixon. The bitches. Oh my, the bitches. The commercials, the t-shirts, the merchandising that knew no bounds. He was so much more than a dog. He was to Bud Light what Bill Cosby was to Jello Pudding Pops. A paid spokesman.

But America is a fickle mistress. Her taste for low-quality mass-produced beer and the dogs that promote it is as unreliable as, um, something that you really can't rely on. Like winning the lottery. Or, say, the Celtics ever winning another game. No? How about as unreliable as LiLo on a coke binge? Anything? Hello?

Where was I? Oh yes, Spuds. The dog once had it all, you see. But after complaints from "concerned" "parents" about marketing beer to "children", the Anheuser Busch folks sent old Spuds packing. (The follow-up Bud Light campaign featuring Bobo the Clown was a smash, as you no doubt recall). And poor Spuds was in the dog house. Well, not really. He wished he was in the dog house. But having failed to learn from the Hammer Tragedy of the same era, he over-extended himself and his crib was repossessed. For months poor Spuds was living paw to mouth.

But Spuds was always a fighter. He dusted himself off and got work where he could find it. Auto shows with King Kong Bundy and Alf. Lectures at community colleges. His three episode arc on Simon & Simon was classic Spuds. Things were turning around. But then, like a Greek tragedy about dogs who sold beer, tragedy struck.

Stories differ about what happened that tragic night, full of tragedy. Spuds had always battled addiction; his stints chained outside the Betty Ford Clinic were tabloid fodder for years. But friends claimed he was off the rawhide and down to two pig ears a day. Maybe Spuds had just had enough; that kind of lifestyle would make anyone dog-tired. Some say Spuds isn't really gone at all; he and Jim Morrison are playing Frisbee in a park outside Paris as we speak. I say those people are idiots.

The important lesson, my friends, is that Spuds was a good dog. I mean, not Lassie good, or certainly not Underdog good - that dog could fly and solve crimes, for Pete's sake. What kind of impossible standard is that to live up to? What is wrong with you people? Anyway, I just want us all to think about the Spuds inside each one of us. So the next time you're drinking a Bud Light, first you should ask yourself, why am I drinking this crap? But soon after that, you should be thinking of Spuds MacKenzie. It's what he would want. I guess.

RIP Spuds. Play dead. Stay.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Where Are They Now?



A fascinating look at some of our favorite video game stars of the '80s, and what they've been up to lately.

Luigi, we hardly knew ye.